JOEY
OUR FOREVER ANGEL
Joey was full of life with so much energy and a heart overflowing with love and kindness. Joey lived life to the fullest and people of all ages just gravitated to him like nothing I have ever seen. He always had the mentality of “go big or go home” and he did just that. When Joey walked into a room, you knew he had arrived. Whether it be from his boisterous voice, infectious smile, huge bear hugs or his jokes and antics, he was present in every way. Joey loved playing football, soccer, basketball, fishing and jet skiing. He put 100% into everything he did and was quite the competitor.
On October 17, 2017, at the age of 25, Joey, passed away from injuries he sustained from a car accident 5 days earlier near where he lived in New Jersey. Joey, had massive brain trauma and was declared legally brain dead. Hearing those words was like living in a tragic nightmare that no mother or parent should ever have to hear. When I received the phone call on Thursday, October 12, 2017 at 11:30 p.m. from his father, informing me of Joey’s car accident, I was in disbelief, my heart was racing and I felt sick to my stomach. I immediately started crying because I had to get to him as soon as I could because we lived in Florida. When I hung up, I started yelling for my husband, John, but little did I know, John was already on his cell phone, speaking with his best friend, Jason, who is on the fire department in New Jersey. Jason responded to the call and when he arrived, he realized it was Joey. He and the other firemen worked so hard to get Joey, out of his car and to the helicopter that was on standby waiting to medivac him to Morristown Memorial Hospital. John, just held me as I cried hysterically. All I could think about was I can’t lose my son. Joey is my only child and my entire world. No parent should ever have to feel the unbearable pain of losing a child and “why”. Little did I know that my life as I knew it would be forever changed with trying to navigate each day and understand simply “why”. One tiny word that had such a tremendous impact. So many things ran through my mind that night like, did he suffer while he was trapped in his car, what were his last thoughts before hitting the tree, he can’t die because I will never share in the joy of him marrying the love of his life or have grandchildren or be able to watch him grow up to be an amazing, hard-working man that I know he would have been.
As much as my heart was shattered into a million pieces and my mind was full of so many emotions, the pieces began to be filled with my son’s selfless devotion, true to who he was, to give his last gifts to this world – a second chance at life to someone in need. Bringing full circle, the struggle of hope in the face of hopelessness and helplessness – he was already a true angel to so many. It was Joey’s decision at the age of 17, to become an organ, tissue and cornea donor when he received his driver’s license. I remember him asking me a couple of questions about organ and tissue donation as he was going through the application. Then at one point, as he was checking off the box to be an organ donor, he turned to me, with a smirk on his face and a little chuckle, and said to me “after all I am JSAV” which has been his childhood nickname that his friends called him since he started school. At that moment I don’t think I could have been any prouder of him for his mind at 17 to even think about helping others by giving them his gifts to complete strangers, so they could continue living. To this day, I have so much admiration for his decision.
In January, 2018 I wrote letters to all of Joey’s organ recipients with the assistance of the New Jersey Sharing Network. Joey donated his heart, both kidneys, liver and corneas. I prayed and hoped that someday I would meet his organ recipients, but most of all, I prayed even harder that I would meet the man who received my son’s beautiful heart. A couple of months later, I received a letter from Eversight, informing me that Joey gave the gift of sight back to two young men in Illinois and Michigan through sight-restoring transplants. I also received a beautiful letter from one of Joey’s kidney recipients with an enclosed picture of him and his new bride. I was overwhelmed with the joy of knowing Joey, gave them all so much of their lives back to enjoy.
In April of 2018, I received the letter that I prayed for most of all… A letter from Joey’s heart recipient, whose name was Jim. I cannot even begin to explain the happiness and joy I felt as I read Jim’s letter. We continued to write back and forth a couple of more times and it was truly ironic how Jim enjoyed many things that Joey did. They both enjoyed going to the beach and boogie boarding, they both are fans of the New York Giants football team, they love music and playing basketball. In the fall of 2018, my family and I were blessed to have met Jim and his wonderful family. There were not enough words to express how grateful we all were, especially me being Joey’s mother. It meant so much to meet this kind and amazing man, who was holding something so precious and magnificent that once belonged to my son.
When we met Jim and his family it was truly amazing. We all talked, cried, and laughed as if we already knew one another. Jim asked me if I would like to hear and touch Joey’s heart that was now inside of him. I had no words and just cried, nodding my head yes. It was simply beautiful listening to Joey’s heart and feeling it beat through Jim’s chest. I whispered to Joey’s heart, I love you buddy always and forever. It also gave me the much-needed peace and solidarity knowing a very special piece of, Joey, will continue to live on, here on earth for many years to come.
Losing, Joey, has been the most difficult for me to manage. With that said, I have also had to manage and understand why my life has had so many additional tragedies. Four months prior to Joey, passing away I lost my mother to cancer. Four months after Joey had passed away, I lost my eldest brother to an unexpected massive heart attack in March, 2018. And finally, in June, 2018 I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (blood and bone marrow) cancer. At that point I was numb and couldn’t understand once again “why”. I hadn’t been able to grieve and navigate each day with the loss of my son, mother and brother and then how to deal with cancer.
I started very aggressive chemotherapy right away and underwent an extremely difficult stem cell transplant in November, 2018 at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Florida. My recovery was hard as my bones were very soft and weak. I was extremely run down and very sick and I lost all my hair during my 12 weeks at Moffitt. However, in February, 2019 I found out I was in remission. Although I was in remission, I still faced pain throughout my joints and spine. Because of having herniated discs in my low back prior to my cancer diagnosis the myeloma ate away at the bone marrow in my discs leaving me in excruciating pain to the point I could barely walk and had to mostly crawl on the floor.
My husband, John and I moved to Florida over 10 years ago from New Jersey and we decided in the spring of 2019, I needed to go back to New Jersey and see my spine surgeon, Dr. George Naseef, and his team at the Advanced Spine Center, for an evaluation. Dr. Naseef, has performed four out of my six difficult cervical spine surgeries at various different times over the course of several years and I trust him with my life. After meeting with, Dr. Naseef, it was determined I would need to have major lumbar spine surgery if I wanted to regain my quality of life. My spine surgery was scheduled for mid-September, 2019. As I was preparing for my surgery at home in Florida before heading back to New Jersey, I decided to reach out to the New Jersey Sharing Network. They were in charge, along with the assistance of MTF Biologics, of the recovery of Joey’s organs and tissue after he passed away. I wanted to check if there was any possibility that some of my son’s bones were left in the bone bank. I knew it was a long shot because it had already been 2 years since Joey had passed away and the probability there would be anything left was slim to none. Jacqueline Salvatore, from the New Jersey Sharing Network who has supported me since Joey’s accident and after he passed away, said it was a long shot, as well, and in all her years working at NJSN she had never been asked that question and was incredibly moved. She contacted, Lauralee Brown, from MTF Biologics which is the tissue bank where all of Joey’s, tissue and bone was sent. Lauralee, made several calls to many people within her organization and she found out that there were 3 pieces of Joey’s bone grafts left in the bone bank, of which, 2 were a perfect match for what, Dr. Naseef, needed for my surgery. When Lauralee called me with the news I cried tears of joy and happiness. I truly believe it was a miracle from Joey, as he knew I would need him to save my quality of life and it was his way of saying “keep going mom, I got your back, you got this”. I had Joey’s back for 25 years and now he has mine. Even though Joey is not physically here, I know he is rallying around me, so I will never be alone and he has saved me in more ways than one. Joey is a true hero to so many, but now he is my hero in every sense of the word. He is the whispering strength behind me pushing me each day to live life to the fullest. In addition to Joey, giving me my quality of life back, Lauralee, also informed me that Joey, had saved 126 recipients through his gift of tissue and bone graft. I am sincerely grateful and thankful to the New Jersey Sharing Network, MTF Biologics and Dr. George Naseef and his incredible medical team for giving me part of my son back, so I can continue living more actively, as well as, giving me a continued purpose of honoring my son’s memory through organ and tissue donation.
Though the past few years have been full of heartache, pain and suffering, there has been restored light for me to continue fighting and enjoying the things I love most; which one of them is riding horses, in the near future, with the hopes of one day being back in the show ring showing in Western Pleasure, knowing, Joey, blessed me with his amazing gifts. I have also been able to be back on the water saltwater fishing with my husband, John, on his boat, on the gulf side of Florida watching the sunset, knowing Joey is with us behind every beautiful ray.
I vowed to Joey, after he passed away, I would continue to keep his memory alive by honoring him for his selfless act of kindness through organ and tissue donation. The New Jersey Sharing Network has a 5k each year and I formed a team in honor of Joey, for everyone who loved him to come together and pay tribute to him. Team JSAV33 will continue to represent my beautiful boy for many years to come. I am committed to do whatever I can to promote organ and tissue donation all because of a 17-year-old boy, who never thought twice about giving his precious gifts to someone in need. I have found peace and comfort in knowing my son’s legacy and memory will be remembered through organ and tissue donation. To us, Joey, will forever be our “angel of life” in more ways than anyone could ever know.
Joey, is and will always be my greatest accomplishment and my entire world. He will always be in my heart, back and never leave my mind.
#SENDINGITFORJOEY
